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Managing Your Child’s Separation Anxiety

lbenjell • September 19, 2022
As a new mom, one of the hardest things you’ll ever do is leave your baby for the first time. Whether you’re going out with your friends, returning to work after maternity leave, or just taking a trip to the grocery store alone, leaving your baby with someone else (even if it’s another amazing caregiver) can be a challenge.

But eventually, leaving will become easier.

For you, at least.

As your baby becomes more aware and develops object permanence, it’s very common for them to experience separation anxiety. All parents go through this at some point – even I did! 

I remember having to sneak out of the room with my first born…as he was busy doing something else, I’d quickly walk out to prevent any meltdowns that would come if I left when he was paying attention to me. But I quickly realized sneaking out of the room wasn't the best strategy.

If you find yourself in this season of separation anxiety, I want you to know two things.

One, it won’t last forever. In time, your child will begin to understand that when you leave, you’ll come back.

Two, there are tips to help you manage if your child is experiencing a lot of anxiety when you leave them. And that, my friends, is what we’ll focus on in this post.

What is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety is exactly what it sounds like: feelings of anxiety when you’re separated from someone or something.

For many babies, separation anxiety is noticed when mom or dad leaves the room, leaves the house for work, or drops them off at daycare.

Separation anxiety doesn’t just pop in at certain times. Rather, it ebbs and flows in the first couple years. When your baby is little, they don’t understand that you’ll be coming back when you leave their sight. In their minds, you’re gone forever.

Because of this, it can cause tears, protests, or clinginess.

Of course, separation anxiety can present itself in different ways, but if you notice a change in your child’s behavior when you leave their presence, it’s likely that they’re experiencing some form of separation anxiety.

Start Small and Practice

If you have a little one who is dealing with separation anxiety, it can be hard to determine the best strategy. Do you try to leave when they aren’t paying attention, or do you stick to it and walk out the door, even if they are crying and chasing after you?

Many parents worry and think that they won’t be able to leave their baby who is stuck to their hip. But you can train your baby in this area, just as you do with sleep, by starting small.

  • From the start, whenever you leave, stress to your child that mommy will be back. You can even make it fun and sing Daniel Tiger’s “Grown Ups Come Back” song to help them learn that you’re not leaving them forever!

  • Play peek-a-boo with your child to show them that when things or people disappear, they are still there. You can do this with their toys by hiding them behind a pillow or a book, or you can play with them by hiding behind the couch or leaving the room and popping back in.

As you play with your baby, you can gradually extend how long you are “hidden.” Maybe when you first start playing, you’re only gone for 3 seconds. But as your child understands that you’re not gone forever, you can stay out of the room for longer periods of time.

Leaving the House When Your Baby is Clingy

Another important element of helping your little one with their separation anxiety is to create a goodbye routine that you can practice each time you leave your child’s presence. 

A great goodbye routine consists of two things: it’s short and it’s consistent.

You don’t want to have a long, drawn-out goodbye routine, as that can further upset your baby. Instead, keep it short and sweet. Tell your little one that you’ll be back, and stay confident. Your baby will pick up on any anxiety you have, and it will only feed into theirs. 

Then, when you do return home, tell your child, “Mommy was gone, and she came back!” to further prove that *cue Daniel Tiger* grown ups come back.

Whatever the routine looks like, it’s important to keep it consistent. Every time you leave, make sure you do the same things. Give your little one a hug, kiss them goodbye, and tell them you’ll be back soon. If you sneak out on your baby one day, they won’t trust that you’ll actually come back when you leave.

Separation Anxiety and Bedtime

Just as your child thinks you won’t come back when you walk out the door, it’s the same with their sleep. Your child is separated from you for a while throughout the night, and this can make bedtime difficult.

All the more reason to stick to your routine and reassure them that you will come back in the morning.

With practice, your baby will soon understand that leaving is normal, and they will trust that you will return.

One of the best ways to help your child manage separation anxiety is by creating a consistent routine, which includes the bedtime routine. If you currently don’t have a bedtime routine, or it varies each night, I encourage you to check out this blog post to help you get started.

I know separation anxiety can be hard to manage, but by taking small steps each day and staying consistent, your little one will grow in their trust and understanding in no time!

By Guest author: Belinda Kirk October 7, 2024
October is SIDS Awareness Month, dedicated to raising awareness about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It’s a time to educate parents and caregivers on safe sleep practices that can reduce the risk and help protect our little ones.. At Hushabye, safety is at the heart of our brand. Our focus is on providing parents with safe and high-quality baby sleepwear, such as sleep bags, that offer a safer alternative to traditional blankets. What is a baby sleep bag? A baby sleep bag, also known as a wearable blanket or sleep sack, is a specially designed garment for infants and young children to wear during sleep. The primary purpose of a sleep bag is to keep the baby warm and comfortable, but it also serves as a safe and convenient alternative to traditional blankets and quilts in a crib or cot.
By lbenjell May 20, 2024
In the hustle and bustle of modern life, sleep often takes a back seat to other priorities. Yet, the importance of sleep for mental health cannot be overstated, especially for parents and their children. From infancy through adulthood, sleep plays a crucial role in maintaining emotional stability, cognitive function, and overall well-being. Let’s delve into the intricate relationship between sleep and mental health, exploring its significance for both parents and kids. Understanding Sleep: The Foundation of Mental Health Sleep is not merely a passive state of rest; it's a dynamic process that facilitates vital functions for physical and mental health. During sleep, the brain consolidates memories, processes emotions, and regulates various physiological processes. For children, especially infants and toddlers, sleep is paramount for healthy growth and development. It's during sleep that their brains form crucial neural connections, essential for learning and behavior regulation. Sleep and Parental Mental Health For parents, particularly those with young children, sleep deprivation is often a common occurrence. The demands of caring for a newborn or attending to the needs of a growing child can disrupt sleep patterns, leading to chronic sleep deficits. This chronic sleep deprivation can take a toll on parental mental health in several ways: Increased Stress and Anxiety : Sleep-deprived parents often experience heightened stress levels and anxiety. The constant fatigue and inability to get adequate rest can exacerbate feelings of overwhelm and tension. Impaired Cognitive Function : Lack of sleep impairs cognitive function, making it difficult for parents to concentrate, make decisions, and problem-solve effectively. This can further contribute to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Mood Disorders : Chronic sleep deprivation is linked to an increased risk of mood disorders such as depression and irritability. Parents may find themselves more prone to mood swings and emotional instability, impacting their ability to nurture a positive environment for their children. Strained Relationships : Sleep deprivation can strain relationships, leading to conflicts and communication breakdowns between partners. This can create additional stressors, further exacerbating mental health challenges. Sleep and Child Mental Health Just as sleep is crucial for parental well-being, it's equally essential for children's mental health and development. Adequate sleep is associated with numerous benefits for children, including: Emotional Regulation : Sufficient sleep plays a vital role in emotional regulation, helping children manage their feelings and behaviors effectively. Children who get enough sleep are often more resilient to stress and less prone to mood disturbances. 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Here are some strategies to promote better sleep: Consistent Bedtime Routine: Establish a consistent bedtime routine for both parents and children. A calming bedtime routine signals to the body that it's time to wind down and prepare for sleep. Create a Sleep-Conducive Environment: Ensure that the bedroom environment is conducive to sleep . This includes keeping the room dark, quiet, and at a comfortable temperature. Limit Screen Time: Minimize screen time, especially before bedtime, as exposure to screens can interfere with melatonin production and disrupt sleep patterns. Encourage Physical Activity: Regular physical activity during the day can promote better sleep at night. Encourage children to engage in active play and ensure that parents incorporate exercise into their daily routine as well. Healthy Sleep Associations: Help children develop healthy sleep associations by associating bedtime with soothing activities such as reading or gentle music. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Teach children and parents relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises or guided imagery to promote relaxation and stress relief before bedtime. Seek Professional Help When Needed: If sleep problems persist despite implementing these strategies, seek guidance from a healthcare professional or sleep specialist. You can always schedule a discovery call with me to discuss whether working with me will help your little one get a better night sleep. For parents and children alike, prioritizing sleep is essential for maintaining emotional well-being, cognitive function, and overall health. By recognizing the importance of sleep and implementing strategies to promote healthy sleep habits, parents can nurture a positive sleep environment for themselves and their children, laying the foundation for a lifetime of mental wellness.
By lbenjell April 24, 2024
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