From the moment you shared the good news that you were expecting a baby, you likely received a lot of advice, like, “Oh, get ready! You’re never going to sleep again!”
While it’s true that being a parent can bring some exhaustion, especially in the early months, sleep is a need for everyone in your household. So taking the steps to improve your child’s sleep can bring benefits to everyone…including your little one.
During the 4th trimester, your baby needs a lot of assistance from you when it comes to their sleep. And because we’re often in survival mode, when we find something that works, we just keep doing it.
If you rock your baby and realize they fall asleep, then when you’re trying to get them back to sleep, you’re going to try rocking again.
Or if you notice your baby falls asleep while at the breast, when you’re exhausted and your baby needs to go to sleep, you’re going to try putting them on the breast again.
Babies are all about habits and routines, so these methods of falling asleep quickly become a habit – your child doesn’t know anything else. And while those methods of getting your little one to sleep may work for you, many families reach a point where they no longer work.
Maybe your baby has grown quite a bit and rocking them to sleep is hurting your back.
Or maybe your child needs to nurse every time they wake overnight, and you’ve reached the end of your rope.
When that happens – when what was once working is no longer sustainable – you may begin to wonder how else you can get your baby to fall asleep.
And that’s what sleep training is – it’s showing your baby how to sleep in other ways.
What is Sleep Training?
When you’re ready to change your baby’s sleep habits, it’s not like having a conversation with a 10 year old. You can’t say, “Okay, little one. I know you’re used to falling asleep while I rock you every night, but moving forward, you’re going to fall asleep in your crib. Got it?”
With young children, in order to see change, we have to show them with our actions what we want them to do.
If, for instance, your child is used to falling asleep at the breast, you’ll want to show them how to fall asleep in a new way. Maybe you decide that you’ll hold your baby until they fall asleep instead.
As simple as that may seem to us, that’s a big change for your child, and it will take them time to adjust to this new way of sleeping.
But sleep training is more than just a technique that you choose – it’s about ensuring all of the pieces are in place for your child to sleep well.
Before we go on, I think it’s also important to clarify what sleep training isn’t. Sleep training is a choice – it’s not for every family. And while the goal is to change the sleep habits of your child, we’re not doing so because we’re annoyed that the baby is waking up, so we’re just going to let them cry.
The truth is, if nobody is getting the sleep they need, the entire family can suffer. Mom may not feel like she’s the mom she wants to be. Both parents may not perform as well at work. And the baby, of course, also needs sleep to thrive.
The goal of sleep training is to shift the sleep habits so that they’re more conducive to sleep and the well-being of the entire family.
Factors to Consider Before Sleep Training
Before suddenly changing the way your child falls asleep, there are a few other factors to work on.
First, you want to make sure the
environment is set up
to help them as much as possible. You want to ensure it’s a
safe space, but also that it’s conducive to sleep – we want the room dark, cool, and with white noise.
You also want to look at your
child’s schedule. Often, we wait for our babies to tell us they’re ready for sleep, but we can proactively do that and ensure they’re getting the sleep they need each day.
Establishing a
solid bedtime routine
which prepares your child for bed and alerts them that sleep is coming is another step to lay a foundation for great sleep.
When you do all of these things in connection with changing how your child is falling to sleep, then we know their body and mind are ready for sleep, making the change in their habits an easier process.
Once you get all of these pieces in place, you may wonder, “But how do I actually help my child learn a new way of sleeping?”
What are the Different Approaches to Sleep Training?
After establishing the foundation for sleep, you can then move to helping your child learn a new habit of falling asleep.
There’s a wide range of options that you can choose from, and I like to think of it as a spectrum.
On one end of the spectrum, there are methods that require less parental involvement, like the extinction. With this approach, you’re giving your baby a new task and asking them to learn to adjust to that. Your support is to give them the space they need to master that new skill.
In the middle of the spectrum, there’s more parental involvement, where you’re doing check-ins. These checks can look different from family to family – maybe you’re walking in to check on your baby, or maybe you say one sentence to reassure your child that they’re okay. For others, they will go in to pat or pick up their little one.
And on the other end of the spectrum are methods that require more parental involvement, like staying in the room or gradually working your way to making your baby more independent.
The choice in your method isn’t necessarily what’s best for you, but what’s best for your child. In some cases, you may want to stay in the room and offer as much support to your child as possible, but it ends up being too much stimulation for your baby.
When I work 1:1 with families, I help the family pick their method by offering advice and strategies. But ultimately, the choice is each family’s.
And truthfully, the method itself doesn’t matter as much as doing the work to prepare the space, following your child’s schedule, and staying consistent with your approach. As long as you’re taking positive steps toward your goal, any change, regardless of how gradual it is, can get you there.
It’s important to know that giving your child the chance to practice this new skill is vital. Your child won’t learn it overnight – nothing is learned overnight! Every sleep period is a good opportunity to practice.
If you’re ready to make changes in your child’s sleep habits but want a guide through the process, I invite you to
schedule a call with me
today.
Together, we’ll talk through your goals and your child’s temperament to find a method that works great for your family!